We avoid CCs due to fear of making the situation worse. Reduce the lag time "between when the problem emerges and when those involved find a way to honestly and respectfully resolve it." Shorter lag time indicates healthy, productive relationships. Most chronic problems within relationships, careers, or organizations stem from “crucial conversations people either don’t hold or don’t hold well,” so invest in your ability to handle these well. Make it safe for others to contribute their meaning to the poolĪ crucial conversation (CC) is characterized by a) high stakes (the outcome may impact you or your relationships) opposing opinions (people disagree) and c) strong emotions (people are amped up). Make It Mean Something : maintain emotional resilience (to mine feedback for useful nuggets) acknowledge decisions or follow-ups clearly (they’re different from dialogue).īottom line : Learn to look for whether you're in or out of dialogue. Nurture Shared Information : speak persuasively with a balance of candor and safety invite others to contribute when they go silent or aggressive. High level tools:ĭo Your Pre-work : identify constructive motivations (seeking healthy dialogue rather than trying to win) master your own story (unpack the observable facts, and avoid common victim/villain/helpless stories) and commit to talking out your emotions (instead of acting them out in negative ways).Ĭultivate Safety : learn to see & hear when someone feels unsafe (to hit the safety reset button) emphasize common ground via mutual purpose and respect. Improving your skill with handling CCs will benefit you significantly in your professional and personal life. Ī crucial conversation (CC) is one where stakes are high, opinions differ, and emotions are running hot. You can easily find it on Amazon or Bookshop. I hope you enjoy this summary, and I highly recommend you buy the book for its powerful examples. Unlocking Leadership Mindtraps, by Jennifer Garvey Berger, which touches on many of the common themes that get in the way of healthy dialogue. Thinking in Bets, by Annie Duke, which talks about the importance of engaging in truthseeking with others. Management classics like Kim Scott’s Radical Candor (coming soon), Trillion Dollar Coach, or Liz Wiseman’s Multipliers, which talk about the importance of candid conversations within work relationships. This one pairs well with pretty much anything: It’s certainly something I’ll re-read many times over. If you read this one carefully, it has the potential to gradually transform how you engage in meaningful, constructive dialogue about the topics that matter most, with the people who matter most. This is not an abstract book full of concepts that are hard to apply in your real life. These important conversations, while capable of unveiling reality, often get derailed by heated emotions, toxic (and usually unintended) motivations, lack of true participation, and unclear resolutions. But whether discussing the merits of a particular strategy, collecting information about what’s actually happening on the ground, or figuring out why it’s not working as we expected … these conversations are still done by real people who have real quirks and flaws. One common theme of a lot of business and management books is the need for fierce honesty about reality.
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